Digital Dilemma
The digital world, while making connection faster with a wider spread, has also created a great distance between its’ users. Connecting to places all across the world has never been easier, however, it has made building meaningful relationships with the people around you, increasingly taxing. Communication has been replaced by passive aggressive texts and the power of the “block” button. Interactions have been whittled down to follows and likes, while becoming fueled by the force of the internet.
Dating, for example, has morphed into a virtual reality. Where meeting people in cafes or bars has become an archaic medium; a novelty of the past that the twenty-something’s of today can only lust after. Now, it is the age of profile pictures and captions, swipes and DM’s. Approaching a stranger in a coffee shop has never been so bold.
What does this mean for the future of dating? Tinder, once thought of as a cheap tool utilized for hookups, is now a sole contender in its’ matchmaking abilities. So much so, that other companies have released their own dating apps, all promising the best, most revolutionary technology to assure optimal results.
I sat down with Victoria, a friend of a friend and an avid Tinder-vet, to see how these apps have helped or hindered her dating experience. I learned that it’s really the only dating-life she knows, as the app was released while she was in high school.
“I didn’t date in high school, so [Tinder] wasn’t even something I considered,” until she graduated and it became the mainstream method of forming relationships. While she feels that “people are less judge-y” about the use of dating apps, she still feels there is a “stigma surrounding it.” In fact, she carries that stigma herself. As I feel most people would, she still clutches at the idealistic fantasy that lives in her head. The hope that she could catch someone’s eye from across the room, or perhaps she reaches for the other person’s coffee and they accidentally touch hands, falling instantly in love. As great as that would be “…that doesn’t seem to be working for me, so I use Tinder.”
With all of the dating apps that are live, it is becoming increasingly difficult to form relationships outside of the digital realm. “I feel like everyone is already attached,” whether it be boyfriends to girlfriends, or simply “within friend groups, people have their people.” Molding relationships after high school is not easy.
“I’m holding onto my hometown friends because I feel like they’re the last genuine relationships I’ve built.” These large social media platforms emerged in the last couple of years before Victoria graduated and relocated for university. Since then, apps such as Instagram, have only increased in popularity and has turned any social interaction into a photo op. “It cheapens the experience,” she says of the pressure to get quality pictures of every event she attends. “The whole night, I’m looking for opportunities to get my post-worthy photo and I forget to enjoy the night.”
The ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ mentality could be the slogan of our generation. The constant need for validation that our lives are worthy of awe and praise aren’t new, but never before has one been able to receive such instant feedback in the form of likes.
“Instagram has really skewed my view of reality…if I’m feeling bad about myself, I post a selfie and depending on how many likes or comments I get, I’ll either feel better or worse.”
There are videos online teaching people how to optimize their profiles and social media accounts. Instead of focusing on self-betterment, they are learning how to properly pose in a picture. “Rather than make real friends who I can hang out with and share my life with, I’m increasing my follower count.”
Life is passing by and all we are doing is looking at screens and comparing our lives to the ones we see online. “I check Instagram, when I get bored of that I swipe on Tinder while watching Netflix, then YouTube, and before I know it, I’m back on Instagram.” This cycle just continues over and over as we lose our grasp on reality. It has become a very superficial existence for our peers.
A negative aspect of social media, one that I know affects me and other women I have talked to, is the body shaming that thrives on social platforms. Pictures of women placed side by side, comparing ones’ body to the other, asking people to comment on who prefers which type, is a common occurrence.
Online body shaming isn’t always that obvious. It can simply be a photo posted where the woman has been edited so her ‘flaws’ are erased, so all that's left is her beaming perfection. By setting unattainable expectations for how our bodies should look, our minds are altered into seeing anything other as unworthy. However, a counter-movement has been set in motion with the push for body positivity.
There are many accounts dedicated to posting content that celebrates people with different body types, races, genders and disabilities. Seeing these different bodies being showcased in the mainstream media holds a lot of power. It can help people feel seen and represented, and “helps instill a level of confidence that [Victoria] didn’t have before.”
“Scrolling through my [Instagram] feed and seeing women with belly rolls and cellulite…has slowly shifted my mindset, so I’m less harsh with myself." While some of the effects of social media are detrimental, movements such as these can be extremely powerful and effective in adjusting certain societal norms. “The parts of my body I once hated, I now appreciate…like my butt.”
While using the internet as one’s primary source of human contact can seem impersonal, it allows for global communication. “I have a friend living in Austria, we hardly ever speak on the phone, or even through text, but we send each other memes almost everyday.” As much as Victoria would like to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with her friend, this form of communication “keeps [their] friendship intact.”
Sharing memes is the new age version of writing long-hand. “Instead of paying for the stamps and waiting weeks for [a letter] to be delivered, I can just send a meme. It’s free and it’s fun!”
Like everything in life, there will always be a degree of bad that comes with the good. Social media has definitely altered the way people socialize but as we continue to make technological advances, the more humanity will adjust to these new, twenty-first-century relationships. In time, perhaps meeting someone on Tinder will be as romanticized as the meet-cute coffee shop fantasy.